Friday, November 25, 2005

Slight respite ..chance to think.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

Now there is a slight relief from the immediate danger to Bilquis's life in her struggle against cancer, I have been able to think a little bit once again.

This morning I wrote this for Blog Ladder, where I had been very upset by the administrator's recent and unexpected "filtering of religious content" policy.

Censorship and belief ... Cause and manifestation.

While fearing reprisals from "the editor", as a faithful believer in Unity and The One .. I will try to just recognise that, should there be apparent unwarranted excision of my words the Real Author of the act is also One, despite the fact that some people think they can make things happen (apparently without it having first been willed by a The First Cause .. something which I would dispute, given a fair chance).
Having said that, (and may those who understand it, understand, and those who do not, at least try to) ... I will just say that, looking around at Blog Ladder entries I am both stimulated and tired by what I see. I can easily accept that this is completely personal .. I claim no objective view, but I do want to understand it.
Why should things seem so attractive and so tiring at the same time ? I suppose I only have one answer and that is my longing for the Truth with a capital T. Am I allowed to say this and can I ever make myself understood ?
I do believe in Oneness .. in fact in One or The One .. and that all comes from there .. One source of all acts, one source of all objects and events .. from that source come all manifestations. It is our souls that love that source and our minds and egos that love and get involved in the manifestations wether they be people, nature, holidays, food, films, photography or philosophy or politics.
When I come to Blog Ladder I meet again all my old friends (and some new ones too) I am so happy to be here and interested to see the latest twists and turns of fate in the lives of each individual, their personal struggles, triumphs and concerns.I laugh and smile along with them .. I cry with them and am outraged with them .. am concerned about the way the world is going and what we can do about it, along with them. Sometimes I enjoy the quizzes and questions .. and then comes the tiredness.Why ?
It's too much "Dunya" .. too much of this world and it's manifestations.. I want some spiritual food and drink .. I want to be able to mention The One .. The Source .. and yet, it seems, that is not welcome here .. why is that ? Is not the very reason of our existence the most burning and important question ?Does it take death and war and disaster to make people look at the "big questions" ? Are people really happy just to live in this world without questioning it's inception and the miracle of at least one's own human life ?
Doesn't matter ... except that I like to think and write about these things and I think I belong on Blog Ladder with my friends.Aren't I a part of this little cyber community, despite the fact that I love spirituality and sufism and God ?
Please G.B. welcome me back and promise that you won't wipe off stuff of mine without some prior consultation.Just a thought .. when you got involved in computers and IT were you satisfied just to use it, or did you want to know about the nuts and bolts of how it all works ? (I am trying to draw an analogy between the digital virtual world and human existence).
That'll do for now, I have to accompany my wife to the hospital in an ambulance.I hope you don't wipe this off G.B. Give a chance to open discussion. Try not to be like that other G.B. playing God with peoples lives and religious beliefs.
Trying to trust you .. Grego.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Oh dear ... I'm tired.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

I'd like to rant and rave and cry and complain,but then ..perhaps that would not be "sufi stuff" (?) so I won't. May Allah and His Prophet and Sheikh Nazim help me and forgive me.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Hospital update.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

O.K. .. I've got a short opportunity to write something, so I will. At the moment I am staying at the "oncologico" with Bilquis .. they say it is one of the best cancer hospitals in Europe. Things look a bit rough to be honest and I am wondering how I am going to re-invent my life to cope with the situation. At the moment they're doing all sorts of tests on her including to see if the pains are anything to do with bone cancer.
Today she is a bit down and I have to fight the tendency to go up and down with her moods. Yesterday she was bright and happy and full of hope. There is some hope .. especially in this moment from the possibility of the medicine of Antonio Bru ... as well as the possibility that the "Renoven" (ex-BioBac) will help.
The truth is it has been left very late and the gaenacologists don't want to operate.
I'm not going to go into any more details right now.

I am at the house of an old friend of Bilquis's ; Blanca, who lives right near the hospital and looking at the possibilities of doing some English teaching work. Funds are running low and all that we made in the summer, that would normally have lasted a year, well, half of it has gone in two months.

What can I say ? Life goes on, what is past is past .. and that is all there is to it.
Two details. One, there was a possibility of an internet connection in the hospital .. they had very kindly provided a computer and a connection for the use of patients and visitors.. but, a) the keyboard did not work (even though I straightened all the bent pins in the plug with my penknife and put it in the right place .. at three o-clock this morning when I couldn't sleep and discovered all this) and b) the connection didn't seem to be working either. I don't know if I can find anyone who is interested to solve these problems amongst the already busy staff here .. I might mention to someone in the appropriate moment... at least I can put a paper in the suggestions box which sits there very empty. For the moment I may have some access from here at Blanca's place .. which I shall probably visit with the intention of walking her dog with her as a way to get a break from the hospital and get some fresh air and exercise.
And.. two, what an extraordinary relief and a pleasure it is to use a normal keyboard and not those horrible flat lap top keys .. so easy ! (I'm not totally inept at typing after all!)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Trying to orientate myself.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

Monday November 7th. 2005. Zarautz.


....... Luego voy a intentar hacer un sumario de lo que pasa .. a ver adonde estoy y que pasa. Pero, ahora tengo que comer ... cuanto tension en este casa !

How do I say this today ? Especially as I am writing to myself virtually again. Or at least to Jenny perhaps and maybe an occasional abu Qassim .. and few more ..however it doesn’t seem that appropriate for Sufistuff (where perhaps I have a few more readers) except that, the sum of it all is that all that matters is my relationship with Allah and the everlasting question of prayer and it’s efficacy or it’s reason/point ...

In theory it is really, at it’s best the continual submission to and recognition of Allah’s Greatness and total Authority in all affairs and destinies and outcomes .. It should be a sincere glorification of Him Almighty .. but .. as most everyone experiences to some degree .. it is much harder to continue when things are going badly or disagreeably than when they are going well. Maybe this applies especially in Islam where there is actually something that one has to do. i.e. practices which require adherence to a timetable, washing, reciting, bowing and prostrating etc.

My experience is that it is much easier to make dua .. to ask or make petitionary prayer in times of difficulty, but much harder to make the obligatory rakats or cycles of prayer due to Allah under Islamic shariat practices.
Maybe this is especially true for westerners to whom the arabic language is foreign and therefore much harder to be sincere in.

In theory, or in reality, everything comes down to this .. if one is really believing in the Prophet saws, then there should be no question about practices no matter what the circumstances .. however they can still be an irritance and a nuisance and almost counter-productive in that sense to individuals with very wild egos like mine, even though they have been trying for over twenty years to train and dominate the damn thing !

And there it is. This wierd lonely feeling, being muslim amongst all these non muslims .. like on B.L. trying to be a believer while being surrounded by non-believers. The not being able to even sleep in the same bed as my own wife let alone have any sort of physical relationship .. and then, in these circumstances see what one turns to for support or comfort when even internet freinds have been cut off.

Some sort of self reliance must appear in order for one not to go crazy. Knowing that one has an erratic and insecure source of income at the best of times, and now even that has been further destabilised.

Trying to rely on God .. tawwakul .. or reliance on Allah ..

Feeling like a hypocrite bcause it seems that I am doing the prayers for myself a kind of insurance policy rather than a sincere act of worship and respect .. some fear and a vague notion of protection .. An observed worsening of events close to oneself when the prayer is neglected ..the incredibly unlikely misunderstandings caused within four small walls of a house or flat and some lessening of that when prayers are attended to.

Women ! Spanish women !

Hoh! It is all very well for the secretary of the doctor in Madrid to tell me about being positive and loving .. just as Itziar would too while we waltzed down the path to Bilquis’s near death with her hazy view of the New Medicine, including the “information” eagerly fastened onto by Bilquis, that the smell of putrifaction coming from her was because of making scar tissue .. ! Huh !

No .. this time I want facts .. I want information, not positive thinking and affection while the cancer wreaks havoc inside her.

Not that I am that impressed by the official medicine available ..but at least it is not afraid to publish facts about how it supposedly works .. even if the truth is that it doesn’t really work.

With Bio Bac or “Renoven” there is a covering up and non publishing of findings which is strange, if not to say suspicious.

One wonders why .. a) It could be because they don’t want “competitors” to find out .. so as to spoil their commerce .. or b) because really there are no facts to publish and the whole thing’s a scam or semi charlatan set up... or maybe c) something to do with not letting “the authorities” know anything .. or being seen to be curing cancer when “the other side” wants to eliminate them.

Who knows the truth ? I am fairly sure that cancer is big big business and there is much truth in the fact of covering up findings about any sort of cure which escapes from “their” hands .. or is cheap enough or effective enough to damage their very lucrative business. Who are “they” ..? I don’t really know .. but there are some very interesting facts about Bush and the people in his government and their positions on and shares in a big pharmaceutical company responsible for making the only known medicine against the supposed bird flu “pandemic”... and so it goes on.

I don’t really think Bio Bac or Renoven is a scam .. but I do want facts .. I want to know how it works .. on what scientific basis ..

The secretary tells me that hopefully I can have a phone call with the doctor at about ten tomorrow morning and it will be interesting to hear what he has to say.

All I know is there is some stuff around living enzymes .. something about the discovery of cells that multiply despite not having DNA ... and the use of mad cow disease as an example of something which it seems Bilquis cannot remember clearly .. and I’m supposed to be positive and loving with that as a basis ! Meanwhile we, as one of one thousand patients, spend 240 € a month on the medicine and a one hour consultancy costs 90 € !

I am led to believe that it normally takes at least one to one and a half months for the medicine to take effect and I don’t really know how long Bilquis is given by the official medicine before her cancer becomes mortal. i.e. I don’t even know if the time window is long enough for the medicine to start taking effect.

Reading this page last night, while being very informative, did not make me feel much better when I realised that Bilquis is on a level three and that her radio treatment is palliative .. i.e. to help with the pain rather than being curative.

Meanwhile, I’m not working, I have no friends or immediate family and I never go out anywhere .. no wonder I feel a little bit strange !

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The only reality, the only relationship.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

Real Faith ?

Our hearts, when the light of faith enters into them, are going to be wider, wider, wider. Even if you put all the oceans into them, they may hold them. But our present faith is taqlid/imitation, while the other kind of faith is real. That is imitation, like a figure without a soul; thus, that real faith has not yet entered into our hearts. When it enters, the whole world is going to be changed, our view is going to be changed.. understand? Totally changed; everything is going to be changed. When real faith comes into our hearts and lights them, it will be as if a person has been blind but when his eyes are opened, he sees something other than what saw before. Therefore, don’t suppose that now we are in real faith.. no! not yet.
Grandsheikh was in the first world war from the beginning up to the end. He made jihad, the lesser jihad and the greater jihad; he completed them both. He said to me, 'O Nazim Efendi, if I were to tell you about all that the people and I suffered during the first war, in which I saw so many terrible events and sufferings, this whole place would be filled with books, you could write so many books about it. But everything passes. The events of yesterday are buried, finished; today new ones will come, new ones. If they are going to stay with you, all of them not passing, no one could bear this life’s heavy burdens. That has passed away. This is our Lord’s will.
'In our division there was an Armenian (Christian) sergeant. He asked one of the soldiers, while I was looking on, “What is your name?”
“My name is Ali.”
“Yes, You are Muslim?”
“Alhamdulillah, I am Muslim.”

“But if you say you are Muslim, I can also say that I am Muslim. What I believe is enough to say that I am Muslim. I also believe in one God Almighty and the angels and the holy books and the prophets and the Last Day and Qadar/the Divine Decree,” that Armenian sergeant said. “I say what you say. But is that enough to be a Muslim?”
“Then what is the sign? If it is only saying as you say, I do that, also. If you are talking about namaz, prayers, I do them, also” (They lived as neighbors in Muslim towns and villages).
Then Grandsheikh said, “Look, you are asking for a sign. I am saying to you that it is not enough only to say with your tongue, “I am a believer, I am a Muslim”. You may even recite the Holy Qur’an. But the sign of a Muslim and a real believer is that he has a light from his Lord Almighty. When he looks down, he can see up to the end of this world; when he looks up he can see to the end of the universe. If he looks at he East he can see up to the end of the farthest East, if he looks at the West, he sees up to the end of the Western regions. If he looks toward the Qiblah/focus of attention, he sees the Kaaba” Then that sergeant fell upon the hands of Grandsheikh and kissed them.
Grandsheikh said that the real sign of belief is that a person has the light of faith in his heart, which comes from Allah Almighty. Nothing can keep back that light. Understand? What can keep back Nurullah, Allah Almighty’s Light? Distance never prevents that person from seeing; darkness never hides anything in itself. Therefore, when real faith comes into our hearts, they are going to be lighted. Everything in the universe is going to be in front of us; nothing may be hidden from us. That is the degree of real faith.
We are now within limits, and our sight is as if we are within four walls. But when Allah Almighty dresses one of His servants in Noor/Divine Light, there shall be no hindrance to his sight and his vision. Distances, walls, buildings, mountains etc. none of these shall obstruct the vision of this servant. Nothing shall prevent him from looking and seeing. He will be able to look in any direction and every direction. He shall be able to see without distraction up to the end of that direction.
Distance shall not effect his vision. Neither will darkness in the night be a veil over his sight. Night shall appear as day to him. This is because he is dressed in this Noor. Every cell of his body is also Noor and like the shining of the sun he shall be inside and outside of everything. Such a person shall be in the Divine Presence.
If Allah Almighty questions such a servant it shall be in the form of speaking to him, only in order to honor him. When Allah Almighty speaks to and addresses such a servant more and more honor comes to that person. This is only for honoring as His servant has done his best for Allah Almighty and has reached already to perfection. This is why he shall not be questioned. He has realised and reached to what Allah Almighty has asked of him, and to what Allah Almighty has appointed for him.
If a person does his best in trying to fulfil the purpose of his Lord, he must somehow reach to that station. When a servant of Allah Almighty reaches to such a station it shall never be lost to him; it shall be forever. When the real Power of Iman/faith enters his heart he shall change from being a worldly being into a heavenly being and his relationship to his heavenly stations shall be for always and ever.
In unity he shall have no more troubles, no more problems, no more sadness and no more hopelessness. He shall be granted by Allah Almighty to be able to say 'BE' and it shall become. When he reaches to that station he shall have no more egoistic desires.. finished! No more shall he belong to dunya/world nor shall he even belong to himself. He shall belong to Allah Almighty and Allah Almighty shall accept him. To live for Allah Almighty is the highest horizon of servanthood. We have been asked to move towards this horizon. This is our target.
When a person belongs to Allah Almighty he leaves everything and says ‘Oh my Lord I have now turned my face to You’. Do we really mean it when we say this or do we say this only with our tongues? Allah Almighty is asking us to say it and mean it. To say 'Oh my Lord, I belong to you and I am leaving out every other relationship in this life of mine. I am asking for a relationship with You in Your Heavens'. Then we shall be given this relationship with heavens.

(From az at Yahoo Groups Maulana40)

God-Given characteristics.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

Surprising true Story....

There was once a man who was an enemy to Islam. He had three famous questions that no person could answer. No Islamic scholar in Baghdad could answer his three questions...thus he made fun of Islam in public. He constantly ridiculed Islam and the Muslims.
One day a small boy, who`s age was 10, came along and heard the man yelling and screaming at Muslims in the street. He was challenging people openly to answer the three questions. The boy stood quietly and watched. He then decided that he would challenge the man. He walked up and told the man,
"I will accept your challenge". The man laughed at the boy and ridiculed the Muslims even more by saying, "A ten year old boy challenges me. Is this all you people have to offer!" But the boy patiently reiterated his stance. He would challenge the man, and with Allah`s help and guidance, he would put this to an end. The man finally accepted. The entire city gathered around a small "hill" where open addresses were usually made. The man climbed to the top, and in a loud voice asked his first question. "What is your God doing right now?" The small boy thought for a little while and then told the man to climb down the hill and to allow him to go up in order to address the question. The man says "What? You want me to come down?" The boy says, "Yes. I need to reply, right?" The man made his way down and the small boy, age 10, with his little feet made his way up. This small child`s reply was "Oh Allah Almighty! You be my witness in front of all these people. You have just willed that a Kafir be brought down to a low level, and that a Muslim be brought to a high level!" The crowd cheered and screamed "Takbir"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!" The man was humiliated, but he boldly asked his Second question...
"What existed before your God"?The small child thought and thought. Then he asked the man to count backwards. "Count from 10 backwards." The man counted..."10, 9 ,8 , 7 , 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,0" The boy asked, "What comes before 0 ?" The man: "I don`t know...nothing." The boy: "Exactly. Nothing was before Allah, for He is eternal and absolute." The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!!" The man, now completely frustrated, asked his final question.
"In which direction is your Allah facing?" The boy thought and thought. He then asked for a candle. A candle was brought to him. The blessed child handed it to the man and asked him to light it. The man did so and remarked, "What is this supposed to prove?" The young boy asked, "In which direction is light from the candle going?" The man responded, "It is going in all directions." The boy: "You have answered your own question. Allah`s light (noor) goes in all directions. He is everywhere. There is no where that He cannot be found. "The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!" The man was so impressed and so moved by the boy`s knowledge and spirituality, that he embraced Islam and became a student of the young boy. So ended the debate. Who was the young boy? The young boy was one of our leaders and one of the greatest scholars, Imam Abu Hanîfa (May Allah bless him).

(Taken from a post on MSN Groups The Haba'ib )