Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Alone with the alone .. or just alone.

Bismi'llah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim...for the sake of Prophet Muhammad saws and Sheikh Nazim may Allah protect his secret.

At the end of the day it's facing being alone that it's all about.I was with Bilquis almost 24 hrs a day seven days a week 52 weeks a year .. for fifteen years. We did everything together apart from go to the loo and shower.
There were short periods when she would visit her family here in the north and I would stay in Orgiva. For a while there was the internet and endless investigations of unity and enlightenment .. especially all the stuff on Buddhism whichI got into in an attempt to bridge the gap between us when she more or less definitively returned to her beloved Tibetan Buddhism after the suicide of Manolo her beloved ex-husband.
Then that well ran dry and I would sink into a kind of torpor which could last all day and night .. just waiting for her to come back .. like a lost sad dog pining for its master.
And now she's gone.I am having a bit the same experience I had when my brother died years ago (he was twenty one, I nineteen) in a car accident. I just skated over the surface of life endlessly doing stuff very fast, until finally I just collapsed in a heap and entered a depressive phase which included a time at a day hospital in Canterbury.
I seem to maybe be in the skating phase again.There have been endless mobile messages to the friend in Gerona who's husband died of cancer last year.I am hoping to see her when I visit the region soon. I am hoping to soothe and smooth some of the ruffled waters of my emotions and understand more what is happning to me through interaction with her.Maybe it will work to some extent.
I am trying to stand back and observe myself .. be a witness to this storm inside... but there is tendency to escape into doing stuff, and then, if not into writing and communicating .. The hard part is simply to stop and be alone with oneself.The hardest to just stop and BE. To be with oneself still implies duality .. still being in consciousness .. just to Be means sitting in the seat of awareness.
Really that is the only answer to this situation and all situations ..it is also really (according to Sheikh Nazim..and all masters in their way) the purpose of all worship and spiritual practices.Just to Be .. just Being .. means being with Allah .. means exisiting in Unity Oceans ..
Oh to dissolve right now this petty,separating, cross eyed, double visioned ego!

Here's that piece fromNisargadatta again.

Watch yourself closely and you will see that whatever be the content of consciousness, the witnessing of it does not depend on the content. Awareness is itself and does not change with the event. The event may be pleasant or unpleasant, minor or important, awareness is the same. Take note of the peculiar nature of pure awareness, its natural self-identity, without the least trace of self-consciousness, and go to the root of it and you will soon realize that awareness is your true nature, and nothing you may be aware of, you can call your own. When the content is viewed without likes and dislikes, the consciousness of it is awareness. But still there is a difference between awareness as reflected in consciousness and pure awareness beyond consciousness. Reflected awareness, the sense "I am aware" is the witness, while pure awareness is the essence of reality. Reflection of the sun in a drop of water is a reflection of the sun, no doubt, but not the sun itself. Between awareness reflected in consciousness as the witness and pure awareness there is a gap, which the mind cannot cross.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sufibridge, being alone sounds hard, but that's just because we have so many illusions about who we should be. Once we get done castigating ourselves for not being someone else, we can either work on changing ourselves or accept who we are.
Most people try to do both, in just that order. When they fail, as they will, they castigate themselves again, until pretty soon there's not much of the self left but the castigator. If you simply accept yourself...oh how much easier then to lose your "self". Good luck to you.

Friday, January 20, 2006 5:02:00 PM  
Blogger Sufibridge. said...

Thanks for that. I am beginning to recognise the truth of those words.What a shame that you remain anonimous .. it would be nice to know who you are.

Friday, January 27, 2006 5:12:00 AM  
Blogger Sufibridge. said...

Perhaps this quote from Nis' is along the lines of what you are saying;

Don't try to reform yourself, just see the futility of all change. The changeful keeps on changing while the changeless is waiting. Do not expect the changeful to take you to the changeless - it can never happen. Only when the very idea of changing is seen as false and abandoned, the changeless can come into its own.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Friday, January 27, 2006 8:38:00 AM  

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