Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Just a quick go at the old diary before I start work . That's a new phrase! It would be so great if I really had something to do of my own... and something I could do that is suited to my temperament . I've got some translation work to do and I think I'm doing it O.K. The money's not too bad even as a complete beginner and I don't think that they pay that well.
They say ten pages and pay 25 € per page,but,from what I understand a page should be about three hundred words (the A4 sheet had about twenty lines and one could write about 15 words a line on average 20 X 15 = 300 ).
Their pages seem to have about 450 words each (as the article has 4,500 words according to MS Word. and is ten pages long.) Dividing 250€ by 4,500 gives me a price per word of 0.055. and I understand that a good price is 0.10 (about twice as much.) Anyway I was going to price myself at 0.035 per word when I first started looking the possibilities of translation work and bidding on agency sites for work.It seemed to be the cheapest and 0.10 seemed to be about the best.
I had the lucky opportunity to speak to a professional about the subject the other day.It turns out that Clara's first father in law, young Lucas's grandfather not only does translation work but teaches it at university in Madrid.He told me a couple of his main rules that he gives his students.1) Don't price yourself low in order to get work and 2) Make sure of keeping deadlines.(If two people do a translation and one does it well but slowly so as to make the work late and the other does it not so well but on time,the publisher will nearly always take the one that's on time.)
Getting it done rather than being perfect seems to be the rule.
I started yesterday and am quite pleased with the results.I got about a quarter done and hope to do at least that again today.I am not going to bore with all the details of how things went with Itziar on the run up to this eventuality,but there were a few misunderstandings and still I've ended up doing it,so I just take that as a sign that this is fated for now.
All is perfect and it happened when it was supposed to happen rather than earlier or later.All part of the Perfect Plan,or His Perfect Plan ..
Everything is Allah looking at Himself through everything else (in His own mirror of Himself.) Why find two where there is only One? As has often been said,the seeker and the Sought are One.
Hey that'll do for now...I may just stick it on my Blog for something to do..It's more or less how I would work if I was travelling I suppose,unless I had a mobile wih a direct internet link..but I'll leave all that speculation for another time.I need the camera first! .. and to get out there and travel..and before that a new battery for the lappie! (Maybe that's what I should attend to first?Get it over the net I suppose..I did find a site one time where they had copies for less than half the price of the brand name one.)
So-o-o , the 'real bit' ... Meditation is the state of being with that which is like no other thing .. sometimes known as the Eternal Uncreated .. often called God or Allah.
" Qul Hu Allahu Ahad,Allahu Samad,Lam yalid wa lam yewlad,Wa lam yaqu'n lahu qufuwan Ahad."
"Say,He is One,The Eternal support of all,He was not born and nothing was born of Him,and He is not like any other thing."
One of the shortest verses in the Koran and one of the most important,the nearest we can get to a description of what Allah is like (He's unlike any other thing and it is therefore prohibited in Islam to think about Him in His essence ... one can't ..it's presumptuous and it would drive you mad.) and it's recitation is equivalent in value to reciting one third of the Koran!
Time for work soon (oh joyous phrase!)
I have been so concerned lately abou how Bilquis takes so much responsibility for our economy and she is really not that strong in health right now.
I have been doing more EFT and it seems to work well.I have been encouraging Bilquis to try it because it would seem that she might be an especially appropriate candidate for its curative properties as she has a certain amount of dyslexia and a tendency towards cancer,both of which seem to be connected with a disruption or reversal of energies in the body's system,and both of which seem to be helped by EFT's energy balancing or re-directing effects.
I want her to try it with her tobacco and coffee addiction as well,but that requires much persisitence and I have to encourage her a lot.Which reminds me that there is an article called resistence to EFT part II in my e.mails and I must go and have a look at it.
I'll just bang that in I think.
I'm still on this internal discussion of EFT versus sufi practices as a help with psychological and emotional problems but I think it might just give me a headache to try to get into all that this morning..so...
Monday, March 28, 2005
Nuff'senuff. Sniff snuff.
Anyway,as far as secondary causes are concerned,it is not surprising that I am so in love with Allah in these days...Neptune is doing its stuff in aspect with Jupiter apparently.
I'm going to look for my favourite picture of a mosque and stick it on here if I can and then take a break.
Nice to write.
Nice to write.Too nice to write. To soon to lose.To soon Toulouse.Looks wrong,doesn't matter.No one reads this anyway.They will one day when I am on the road with my camper and my camera and my lappie.
Well the battery has lasted four minutes so far..I must admit that when the gauge for the battery showed up (through ...ahnow it's flashing red already..so no...it doesn't charge still..or hold its charge anyway.)
Publish Publish publishh...aaaarrrrgh!
Back home after being away at the coast selling for Easter.
Tired but content.Belief in God stronger than ever.Salawaat getting going.(prayer on the Prophet "Allahumma sali ala Muhammadin wa ala,ali Muhammaddin wa salem." (Oh Allah send blessings and peace upon Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.)
So many benefits but it has always been hard for me to do.
My best writing today on the terrace of the house where we have been staying but it is in a book not in my lappie.Maybe I could copy it out? Will need a method when we travel .. at least a new battery for the lappie I think!
Maybe I will pull the plug now and see how long it lasts...can go down soon so I better publish this before I lose it!
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
EFT meets Sufism.
16th March.08.08.Hrs. Orgiva.Spain.
Been doing loads of EFT though wandering a bit off into fields of my own. "Try it on everything." says Gary. Well I do and that includes my 'lio' around belief,tariqat,Islam,sufism,Sheikh Nazim,the Prophet SAWS.etc etc.
I think again there was a moment of great clarity this morning,helping to resolve many issues.. or ... the result of many resolved issues! Which may be much more like it. Underlining how the elimination of the emotional aspect of so many of our problems frees us off to see that it is just that emotional stuff which makes them seem unsolvable or which keeps us stuck in old patterns.
Let me see if I can express what seemed like a quite simple but very important Truth. Following on a bit from yesterdays' (or perhaps I should say the last thirty years') short discussion about the Truth of unity and the pitfalls of trying to live only in Haqiqat I would say that ... although Allah is One and in a sense all is He. He, in His Oneness created everything else in duality and,while He is also both components of that duality we are created in duality by Him and we live in a duality created by Him so it is our job to remember Him and that all is He while having our essential unitary selves manifested in this seemingly solid body in this seemingly solid material universe. What we can't do is escape our destiny to be in this body or this life except by remembering Him and worshipping Him as constantly as possible and then maybe He may open up other realities which we are sure that the Sheikh experiences (such as covering his material body with his spiritual body and travelling in the spiritual realms with it ).
This has already got into a bit of psycho-babble which seems to happen when one tries to express these things..because really there was just an essential Truth there and it seems to have got complicated.
Just for my own satisfaction I'll give one more try to make it simple.Perhaps if I try to recall the circumstances in which this revelatory thing occurred,it might help.
I was lying in bed having done lots of EFT to help with my existential angst (or 'dukkha' as the Buddha might have called it.) consciously deciding to do this instead of getting up to do night prayers, as the EFT seems to help more even though logic and 'faith' and all of Sheikh's teaching scream that getting up and overcoming the nafs with ascetic practices is what really works. So there was already some conflict to resolve there.
I did a lot of rounds of EFT and became quiet enough to come to some concentration on this unity/duality thing.Curiuosly I had deviated from the typical "Even though my dad whacked me with a stick when I was four years old.." stuff to .."Even though there is no God but God..." and "Even though Muhammad is the Prophet and Messenger of Allah.." and "Even though Sheikh Nazim is awliya Allah.." and "Even though I am one of Sheikhs worst murids and a terrible Muslim ..." etc etc .
Anyway I came to the bit where (typically) there is the thought , If all is Allah then in reality I am Allah too (like Hallaj etc) ,all that praying to Him just emphasises the duality, isn't it better to seek to be in Reality .. to try to be one with The One? In Advaita Vedanta they advise "sitting in the seat of awareness" .. as Rumi says "Who is this speaking through my mouth?" "Who is this hearing through my ears?" Isn't really the essence of meditation and what the Buddha brought just being one with The One,letting go and annihilating oneself in the essence (which is nameless and cannot be thought about) ... ?
At this point I am slipping into that delicious state where there is total faith in what I am thinking about and going towards..there is letting go and trusting ,even if just for a few moments ... I struggle to remember Nisargadatta's words but they don't come " Remember that you are the silent witness of the chattering mind." or something like that? ..It doesn't seem to matter because I am going towards that anyway. It is delicious ,it lasts for a short while.(Even Sheikh advises us to try to just be with our Lord for a while..perhaps five minutes a day especially an hour before fajr,"Murakaba" sufi meditation,and then try to increase it until it is twenty four hours a day.)
Then it slips..and conscience is saying "What about the prayer?" My soul is wanting to do it but my mind is still with the other thing..and then comes the realisation ..."Everything is Allah,There is nothing existing or acting except Allah,but He created me in duality and in duality I must exist and worship Him as taught by Muhammad SAWS."
He is The Creator Al Khalik and I am the slave abd .. abd Allah. (The Lord is always the Lord and the servant is always the servant as Sheikh Nazim says.)
He is One and all is one and I am one in my essence but He has created me in duality and I live in duality ... it is a shadow show .. it is not Reality with a capital R but it is a magic world a miraculous world brought into being by Him Almighty and I am a miraculous being also brought into being by Him Almighty to live and breath as long as He wills and to try to remember my promise to Him on The Day of Promises.
Now what was it? !
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The man of the moment.
So how can I possibly put all those photos without including one of the man of the moment,the son of the time , the pole of the poles...
SHEIKH NAZIM ADIL AL HAQQANI AL QUBRUSI.
Head of the line.
And there he is,Hazrat Abu Bakr, radiallahu anhu ... head of the line,beginning of the tariqah. Hey! Nothing there but the slave and his need! Reminds one of the picture of Sheikh Abdullah as an old man holding out his hands in supplication and in them are nothing but a tasbih and a miswak (the only"tools of the trade"!).
Whichever way it's all He!
Well,that's it then.After much struggle and whining and complaining and self-bashing (sorry to say it but that's still the way it is.) .. a couple of photos of sufi whirling dervishes to accompany/introduce a bit of writing.
It's a small step in Blogging but a big step for Uthman!
May it pave the way for serving Allah through photos and writing,as my Sheikh instructed me.
Well anyway,this is it then .... something useful to do with writing and my time at last... EFT. Trying to overcome my negativity about myself and life in general and my loser's attitude.
I want to set the margins and the Word Help tells me to click ... now let's see .. is that what I want? .. more or less.
What about blue print..wouldn't that be cool and decisive instead of so calm as this green? Does it really matter? Does anything really matter? (A log slips on the fire.) I'm sure it does.
Anyway,I've done quite a bit of EFT now and it seems to be making a difference.. It's not that I'm suddenly rushing out and doing all sorts of amazing and successful things (associated in my mind with making money!) .. but ...The way I percieve myself and my present life is changing towards one of appreciation (thankfulness) and positivity.
There seems to be a bit of a cross-fertilisation between EFT and my spirituality/sufism/ Islam ... maybe some of the influence from Gary Craig's (and America in general's) Christianity. That mixture of Christianity with positive thinking and unashamed capitalism..is .. interesting,to say the least.
Perhaps I am becoming a bit less anxious, less insecure, less frightened... and,when I realise that , in many ways, I have my life just as I like it (!) .. that's pretty amazing too.
Some questions ... like .. around,meaning of life, ... life after death, good actions/bad actions, punishment and reward.
The lovely idea of going into the new age in an age of oneness with more enlightened people and and a love and understanding between individuals and communities that goes beyond traditional religions.
(As opposed to the Islamic .. one complete truth ,one complete religion version, with its implication,or outright declaration of , salvation only for Muslim believers .. or a certain section of them.)
Hey ho! .. I'm not going to get into all that now and I don't know if I'll ever really resolve that one.Certainly Sheikh's teaching still makes the most sense of anything that I have ever heard and Islam seems to be a very complete and perfect system so long as one looks at the system and not at the practicers thereof.
Anyway Hemingway,I was going to make a document about EFT not another rambling diary.
Doesn't matter ..I have started the list of specific incidents for the 'Personal Peace Program.' It's getting longer,but most are not that specific..so I'll have to do the movie technique on them.
At least EFT has given me the sensation of having a tool put ito my hands that helps me erase my emotional hang ups and I can use as the occasions arise,which gives me a feeling of having some power over my emotional imprisonment .
Next is time ..21.43.Hrs. yes .. going back to my old habits of diary keeping..frankly.. I like it.. The telly's on,but without the sound while Bilquis waits for the adverts to pass,there is the licking undertone of the wood fire in the background and about the only thing that could get a little bit on my nerves is the continual sound of the fan,or whatever it is on the lap top.
I'd like to learn a bit about how to import some pictures in here..I'd like to learn how to take digital pictures and accompany them with my writing(or vice versa) and I'd like to put them both in a blog or on a website..then I would like to go to Morocco and write about the sufis and sufism there,and put the places and the experiences and some of the history out on the net with photos.
Oh look! ..a dervish! (well I did learn something then!)
Look at that ! I did it again! ( er... sorry ... He did it again... but,through me alhamduli'llah ... Sheikh did indicate how I might be useful after all.)
That's too much! (Thank You.)
This 'Gig' character is the one to see around here for photography apparently.
Seems I have a lot to learn about how to move pictures around and put them where I would like to see them.
15th March.2005. Orgiva.Spain.
Still fiddling and faddling with the pictures and stuff. Still like the green print.Still too superficial? Still would like to use aesthetic skills/appreciation in the service of Allah/sufism/Islam.
Lots of EFT this morning. Prayers have gone out of the window again unfortunately. Been trying stuff about lack of trust .."Even though I did not trust my father (or my mother much) ..." "Even though I lost my trust in the Sheikh after all the episodes with women.." etc etc
Something came shining through. .... How did it go?...
All that exists and acts is Allah.(?)
The only thing existing and acting is Allah.(?)
There is nothing existing and acting but Allah.(?)
Nothing exists and acts but Allah. something like that.
Nothing exists nor acts but Allah. ... anyway you get the picture.
Well .. you do now !
So, ... nothing exists or acts but Allah.
That means that in reality "Thou art that." as the Hindus might say ... or .. "He that knows himself knows his Lord." as Muhammad might have said. Or one is already annihilated in God,The One, Allah, Brahman, The Truth,The Absolute ..or whatever else one may care to call that which is, always will be and always has been (which is no other than oneself but we just don't know it yet) "Know yourself to be the changeless witness of the changeful mind." as Nisargadatta said. etc tc etc ...
Endless endless ways and times it has been said ... Oh to live the reality!
Anyway,letting go and trusting completely is part of it ... Trust ..Tawwakul ...trust in Allah ... trust for one's provision ..material and spiritual..that helps so much ..because how can one ever let go and be "one with the one" if the little self or ego is always crying out about money and shelter and comfort?
The separation of self is an illusion supported by the ego's endless demands.
Nothing is existing or acting but Allah.
Anyway, I know it's full of pitfalls..Haqiqat without shariat basically..knowing,understanding/trying to live by the knowledge that "All is one." Something that one may know after one's first joint..but has implicit in it the danger of ignoring duality with which the shariat and the rules and regulations for living in society are concerned.
That is to say that one may forget that although "The drop has returned to the ocean and now,where is the drop and where is the ocean?" etc .. yet still Allah is the Lord and we are His servants ,the Lord is always the Lord and the slave is always the slave as Sheikh Nazim says.
Anyway I did some stuff on humility and obedience,which may also have a lot to do with the father/son relationship...
A sneaking suspicion creeps up that Allah has just destined this for me..and it is all exactly as it is supposed to be ... and and and ...
Soon I must make myself some breakfast and prepare the stuff for our Easter market.
No .. it's just that there is a bit of a contradiction between ... (anyway it's breakfast time now and Bilquis needs the kitchen so-o-o- ...
salaams and hasta luego !
Idea .. save and past this stuff into my Blog?
Well,did that,but,no photos of course.Maybe have a quick look at that Picasa thing.
(It all gets easier if one just waits long enough .. there'll come the time I suppose when we just think about something and it materialises..in fact,come to think about it,Sheikh said it would be like that in the new era .. at least,somewhere he said that we would just think about a place and we would be there..)